Weight - Just another number??

I’ll admit it – I can be vain. & as such, I can easily go overboard when it comes to my weight & body. I’m actress. I make my living off of my looks. Well, partly due to my looks. After all the years I’ve spent in the entertainment & nightclub industries I have a pretty good excuse! I mean have you SEEN the people that walk around in these joints?? They are super-thin. Look like they’ve just gotten back from a week in the Caribbean. Perfectly coiffed & manicured. The clothes. The shoes. They look 'perfect' but the truth is there is no such thing.

Back to my body & weight & what that has to do with a shattered scale. I was under 100 lbs until I came back from Paris – where I grew womanly ;) (The French diet & lifestyle added to my curves) One thing I cannot complain about! Not. At. All. I was 22, freshly back from 'la vie en rose' & back to the grind in NYC. I was finishing my undergrad & preparing for grad school. Working day & night. & all of a sudden I was 118 lbs & wasn’t looking all that hot. I am 5’1 & felt very unsexy at 118 lbs. I am small-boned so my thinking was that 98-102 lbs was my sweet spot. I tried just about everything, including lipo – which I do not recommend. The results are not permanent. & after the years of experimenting, research & nutrition school it has finally dawned on me that the only way to have lasting results & have the body you want is to work at it. & by ‘work’ I mean – exercise, sleep well, eat nutrient rich foods & manage your stress.

I realized I was obsessed by the number on the scale – I felt ‘happier’ with my body when it was less than 100 lbs. I was never anorexic or bulimic – thankfully, those weren’t the challenges I was given. I ate well but I developed a different ‘eating disorder’ – I became obsessed with everything I ate being the healthiest thing I could eat. It was tiring but the scale made me believe that that was what I had to do. Eat. Exercise – minimally. Sleep. A good year & a half into my ‘madness’ I was working out like a beast & I gave myself more room to eat a select few things that were previously denied to me, like the occasional pizza. I was burning everything I ate off so I figured it’s cool. I went to about 75% healthy foods – 25% modestly healthy. & then I stopped working out. I didn’t see the results I really wanted – a six pack!! So I gave myself a break from the insane workouts & I quickly noticed that my food intake had to change.

All of a sudden, the scale I’ve had for years breaks! My housekeeper takes responsibility for the 1st scale in my house breaking. So I buy another one. A fancier one!! This wonderful instrument tells me my body fat %, bone mass, weight, water content. It’s fabulous! I got on it & it read 112 lbs 20% body fat & I can’t remember what else… I was not pleased!! I was on my way to becoming obsessed with that number again! But a little voice in my head told me to look into that 20% body fat number. So I did! Apparently that number put me into the athletic category. I figured I need to workout more! Keep the diet up! & take better care of my body.

& then the scale shattered

One day, about 2 weeks after I got the scale, I walk into my bathroom & there are small pieces of glass… I can’t say I wasn’t bummed. It WAS brand, spanking new!! But I took it as a sign. The universe is telling me to stick with the goals I set – to workout, eat well, rest adequately - & screw the number!! I will replace my scale – eventually!! BUT I will keep my focus on the efforts I’m making to be healthy & happy & actually weigh myself whenever I actually remember to weigh myself. After all…it’s just a number. What matters is how I feel in my skin! What matters is how I look both in (& out ;) of my clothes! What matters is that I am taking care of the magnificent temple that is my body!    

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